she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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