that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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