Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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