summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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