Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
