She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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