i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
