She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
