is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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