apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
