Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
