I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
