I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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