God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
