I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want nice things and good sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
