dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
