i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
