He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
