Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
