I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.