Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?