she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed