Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?