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I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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