smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?