whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
