I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
