Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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