pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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