My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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