I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My dick has a subreddit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
