Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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