The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
