The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
