If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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