All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
