Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
