I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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