What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
