I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
