I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
