I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
