I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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