Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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