"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
