i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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