I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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