In the future we'll all be gay
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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