the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
