DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
