I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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