i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need a beard to bite.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
