turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize