Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
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