Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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