how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
