I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
