They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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