I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
