aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
