So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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