He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
