Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
