Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
