I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
