had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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