I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
