yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
