my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
