Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
