He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
