Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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