whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
