You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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