i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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