you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
