i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
