it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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