when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
