Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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