hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
