I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
